The Anti-Establishment Innovator: Personal Development

Showing posts with label Personal Development. Show all posts

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Val Monroe: Why It's Okay to Put Yourself First

I learned the hard way how to put myself first.

Almost 30 years ago, my husband's identical twin brother killed himself. He was addicted to drugs. My husband—also addicted, I soon discovered—began a rapid descent along the same ruinous path, forsaking me and our 1-year-old son for grief's dark embrace. I tried to help my husband, became, in fact, almost sick with trying to help him and take care of our baby and our precarious finances. Family and concerned friends phoned me constantly to find out how my husband was doing and how I was holding up. "I can handle this," I told them. "I'll be fine." And compared with my husband, I did seem fine. But the tentacles of worry that had gripped me fitfully when I first discovered his addiction now snaked around me always, tighter and tighter, choking my appetite, my sleep, and my belief that he would ever get well. I would sit up all night waiting for a phone call—from him (I hoped) or from the police (I dreaded)—and then face another full day of chasing around an active toddler. "Keep this up and you will get sick," someone said, "and then who'll take care of you?" There was no one to take care of me. Well, yes, there was: me. And so I did, because I had to. I got help to look after the baby and started going to a support group, and once my husband was recovering in a hospital rehab, I treated myself every visiting day to a fine steak dinner at a nearby pub.

"I think I'll order a steak," I'd say to the baby as he sat in a plastic booster seat, sucking on his bottle. "Baked potato or mashed?" He'd kick his feet and slap the table with his chubby hands. "Good choice," I'd say. "Mashed it is."

Why is it hard for many of us to do things for ourselves before we do for others? Maybe we believe the "good" woman sacrifices herself for her family and, increasingly, for her work. "In terms of our relationships, women often feel they're responsible for everything—which is not a complete misperception," says nationally syndicated columnnist and life coach Harriette Cole. "We are the ones who usually lead the way. But somehow we get from there to the idea that the world won't work if we don't help it along."

Taking on responsibilities that might be well or even better handled by others is one of the ways we begin to lose our balance and slide down the slippery slope from generosity to martyrdom. Because women are likely to be the primary caretakers for husbands and children as well as for aging parents, we have ample opportunity to fall into the pattern of serving the people we love before we serve ourselves. But there are good reasons to be judicious about that. "If you always put someone else first, there's a tendency for others to depreciate you, to lose respect, because respect comes from an understanding that that person has her own wishes, dreams, and desires," says Ethel S. Person, MD, author of Feeling Strong: The Achievement of Authentic Power. Besides, why must there be only one person in first place at a time? "It's possible to have equal concerns for yourself and for loved ones," says Person. "There aren't always conflicting priorities."

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via oprah.com

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Friday, April 6, 2012

Study of the Day: Women Are Much Happier When Men Feel Their Pain

According to recent research, men and women derive satisfaction from their partner's ability to empathize in vastly different ways.

Everett Collection/Shutterstock

PROBLEM: How do men and women in relationships value their significant other's ability to empathize?

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METHODOLOGY: Researchers led by Harvard Medical School's Shiri Cohen recruited 156 heterosexual couples and recorded statements from each participant about a recent incident with his or her partner that was particularly frustrating, disappointing, or upsetting. Then, after reuniting the couples and playing back the statements, they videotaped the pairs for 10 minutes as they tried to come to a better understanding of their problems.

Following the discussions, the subjects watched the videotape and simultaneously rated their negative and positive emotions throughout. Using these ratings, the authors selected and showed the most emotionally charged clips to the participants and had them complete questionnaires about their sentiments during each segment. They also measured the participants' overall satisfaction with their relationships as well as their perceptions of their partner's feelings.

RESULTS: Relationship satisfaction among the men was tied to their ability to read their partner's positive emotions accurately. The women's happiness in their romances, on the other hand, was associated with their partner's ability to correctly read their negative emotions.

CONCLUSION: Men like to know when their wife or girlfriend is happy while women really want the man in their life to know when they are not. Cohen explains in a statement: "It could be that for women, seeing that their male partner is upset reflects some degree of the man's investment and emotional engagement in the relationship, even during difficult times."

SOURCE: The full study, "Eye of the Beholder: The Individual and Dyadic Contributions of Empathic Accuracy and Perceived Empathic Effort to Relationship Satisfaction" (PDF), is published in the Journal of Family Psychology.

via theatlantic.com

Thank you for visiting my blog. Jim

Jim Woods is president and founder of InnoThink Group. A global management consulting firms specialized solely in helping organizations of all sizes in all industries catalyzing top line growth through strategic innovation and hypercompetition. Jim has over 25 years consulting experience in working with small, mid size and Fortune 1000 companies. He is a former U.S. Navy Seabee and grandfather of five. Jim is board president of a charter school located in Colorado Springs whose sole purpose is to prepare otherwise disadvantaged students more competitively for college. To arrange for Jim to speak at your next event or devise an effective hypercompetition strategy email or call us at 719-649-4118 for availability. Subscribe to our innovation and hypercompetition newsletter.

Grad discusses her formula for success

Question: How did you get your start in designing, and what was the motivation?

Answer: The first piece that I ever designed — and wore — was a strapless mini dress that I recall was excellent for twirling. The occasion was a middle school dinner dance, and I remember being the only girl in my class not allowed to buy a dress. Instead, my father insisted I design my own. And while I've been making clothing ever since, it was not until I came to NYU that I began to see a future for myself as a designer.

With a full course load and internship schedule, I started making dresses for myself purely out of necessity. My overbooked itinerary demanded ensembles that could take me from morning classes to my internship and out to dinner with friends — all with no outfit change required. The moment I'd exhausted a dress from heavy rotation in my weekly wardrobe my father would scoop up the samples to hang in his Haverford storefront. It took no time at all for his regular clientele of well-tailored men to start purchasing my designs for their wives and even less time for women to begin commissioning one-of-a-kind styles. Before I knew it I was a full-time student with an internship at Vogue and a rapidly growing business in design.

Q: How did your time at NYU influence your career now?

A: Being at Gallatin gave me the opportunity to dictate my education according to my passions. And with the independence that came from designing my own college experience also came an emphasis on learning how to navigate such freedoms. While I was taking classes and earning credits as an intern, I was also getting an education in the true meaning of responsibility. Gallatin not only encouraged me to decide for myself what kind of studies were important, but also how to curate each semester and determine my own schedule. What was key about my time at NYU is that I had to learn how to formulate plans, and even more importantly, how to execute and carry them out. As the president of my own company, not a day goes by that I don't access this skill set.

Q: What advice do you have for students who aspire to go into the fashion industry or become a designer themselves?

A: Whenever I'm asked this question I always recite the same word three times: intern, intern, intern. There are countless opportunities and niches within the fashion world to hone one's skills and learn his or her desired profession from the inside out. In fashion, I believe it's particularly important to work in all sectors of the industry. For instance, if you want to become a designer, spend time working in retail on a sales floor or intern with a department store buying office, a stylist and in a designer's operations department. Magazines are a wealth of knowledge, and publishing was actually where I got my real start in design. Public relations firms, marketing and branding agencies and factoring companies are all amazing places to learn about the business of fashion and how all of the moving parts of this industry are connected. Having a sense of the business in the round is the most important asset in excelling in your career.

Q: Where do you find inspiration?

A: In each collection I find a consistent source of inspiration in designing for the women who wear my clothes. With every line, I imagine where the coming months will take her — in her career, her travels, her friendships — constructing a wardrobe around her wants and needs for the upcoming season.

A version of this article appeared in the Thursday, April 5 print edition. Shannon Loughran is beauty & style editor. Email her at bstyle@nyunews.com.

via nyunews.com

Thank you for visiting my blog. Jim

Jim Woods is president and founder of InnoThink Group. A global management consulting firms specialized solely in helping organizations of all sizes in all industries catalyzing top line growth through strategic innovation and hypercompetition. Jim has over 25 years consulting experience in working with small, mid size and Fortune 1000 companies. He is a former U.S. Navy Seabee and grandfather of five. Jim is board president of a charter school located in Colorado Springs whose sole purpose is to prepare otherwise disadvantaged students more competitively for college. To arrange for Jim to speak at your next event or devise an effective hypercompetition strategy email or call us at 719-649-4118 for availability. Subscribe to our innovation and hypercompetition newsletter.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Jim Rohn - The Day That Turns Your Life (and business) Around

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Jim Woods is president and founder of InnoThink Group. A global management consulting firms specialized solely in helping organizations of all sizes in all industries catalyzing top line growth through strategic innovation and hypercompetition. Jim has over 25 years consulting experience in working with small, mid size and Fortune 1000 companies. He is a former U.S. Navy Seabee and grandfather of five. To arrange for Jim to speak at your next event or devise an effective hypercompetition strategy email or call us at 719-649-4118 for availability. Subscribe to our free innovation and competitive advantage newsletter. Don't miss a single new business idea!

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