Success: J.R. Martinez and His Backward Fairy Tale

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Fireworks spit and sparkle in the background. Glittering confetti rains down. J.R. Martinez is hoisted upon shoulders as he pushes a weighty, bejeweled trophy above his head. The audience erupts in a frenzy of joy.

That was the scene millions of Americans watched—and expected—last November, as 27-year-old Martinez won the Mirrorball Trophy and the Dancing with the Stars title of Champion. It was a perfect ending to a sort of reverse fairly tale—a story in which a handsome young football star becomes a disfigured veteran, yet finds fame, fortune and happiness.

When Jose Rene (J.R.) Martinez found himself in Iraq at age 19, he was dazed and, well, 19. “Everything happened so fast,” he tells SUCCESS. “I was young and didn’t process the fact that I was going to war. I didn’t really know what my purpose there was.”

Less than a year earlier he had been a senior in high school and a talented, Georgia-state championship football player with hopes of going pro. But he was injured before graduation and his dreams were put on hold. He joined the Army with the hope that it would later pay for a college education—a college where he could try his hand at football again and keep his NFL ambitions alive. In September 2002, he underwent Basic and Advanced Training and then spent the holidays back home in Dalton, Georgia, partying with friends and family. In March of 2003, he was deployed to Iraq.

On April 5, the Humvee he was driving hit a land mine in Karbala. Martinez was trapped inside, pinned behind the wheel. As flames swept over his skin (“I saw my hands being burned, it was so painful. I was screaming and yelling at the top of my lungs,” he recalls), Martinez saw something: a vision of his sister Anabel.

The Element of Magic

Martinez’s El Salvadoran mother immigrated to the United States in TK to make money to support the two daughters she left behind. Here, she became pregnant with Martinez, and the plan was always to bring his sisters to Georgia and reunite the family. But the older girl, Anabel, died of a congenital illness at age 7, before Martinez ever got the chance to meet her. Now, in a burning combat vehicle in an Iraqi desert, she appeared to him as a 5-year-old version of herself that he had seen in a photo. “I really thought I was going to die,” Martinez tells SUCCESS. “But she was calm and peaceful and said things were going to be OK.” Seconds later, Martinez was pulled from the truck by rescue workers.

He was immediately put into a medically induced coma and woke up a month later in the Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas. There, he spent three more grueling months enduring skin grafts and routine—and painful—“scrubbings” to remove dead tissue. Though he was grieving for himself, the hospital staff asked him to speak to a newly admitted burn patient who was really struggling with his condition. Martinez entered the young man’s darkened hospital room (burn victims don’t like to see themselves, explains Martinez) and talked for 45 minutes about hope… about all the things they both still had to live for. As Martinez left his bedside, the patient opened up his window curtain.

Martinez was released with burns covering 40 percent of his body, a face that looked like a child’s wet-clay sculpture (when he saw himself in the mirror for the first time after the horrific explosion, he thought he looked like Freddie Krueger from Nightmare on Elm Street), and nothing to do but collect disability checks.

Instead, he went back to the hospital to volunteer and talk to more burn patients, to help them pull back the curtain a bit on their despair. He spoke about hope and moving forward and, in the process, helped heal himself. Martinez made it is his new life to inspire people to overcome the hardships in their lives. He started a new career as a motivational speaker and soon became one of the most sought-after figures on the circuit.

When a friend told him that the (now canceled) daytime soap opera All My Children was looking to cast an actual Iraq veteran for a guest role, Martinez ignored the Hollywood stereotype of superficiality and went to the open casting call—and got the gig. The character he developed outlived its initial three-month appearance, though. He was a cast member for three years.

Soon after, Dancing with the Stars called. The rest is history.

The Moral of the Story

There are plenty of lessons we can learn from a man such as J.R. Martinez: Persevere. Never give up hope. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Make lemonade out of lemons. Beauty is on the inside. Be positive. When a door closes, look for a window. Dance. And all of them are valid, beautiful and relevant. But they are also all messages we can buy framed from an office supply catalog.

Martinez’s most meaningful lesson is perhaps one about choice.

Listening to and trusting the vision of his sister was a choice. Getting over his anger at what happened to him was a choice. Making it through his surgeries and treatments with gratitude toward his doctors and nurses was a choice. Putting himself out there for rejection is a choice. Giving back to the community is a choice.

During recovery, he says, the best choice for him was to simply go through the motions of therapy and daily hospital life. “It’s human to look behind everything for meaning and to ask why. Why did I lose so much at only 19? Why was I the only one in the Humvee to be burned? But instead of thinking too much and dissecting everything, I had to choose to just be in the moment and get through it. At that point, that’s what being positive meant for me. I was angry and I had to grieve, but I didn’t dwell. And not dwelling was a very conscious effort.”

There’s a common belief that positivity is a character trait you either have or you don’t. Or that it’s something that simply happens to you after a big, life-changing event. From his shortened bio, it might be easy to believe that optimism is Martinez’s hard-won reward for enduring hardship. After all, his life follows a classic story arc: innocence, tragedy, then a redemptive road that leads to happy ever after. Martinez is now a star—an actor/dancer/writer/speaker who made People magazine’s 2011 Sexiest Men Alive list. He has a gorgeous girlfriend, Diana Jones. If that’s not “happy every after,” what is?

If his life were a movie—and it probably will be someday—the screen would go black on a shot of him and his DWTS partner, Karina Smirnoff, flying across the floor.

But lives keep going after the cameras stop rolling. “Every morning when I wake up, I choose to be positive. It’s not always easy. I’m human and I have a lot of bad days. I still face difficulties. It’s a choice every single day,” he says. He even admits that there is “pressure for me to always be ‘inspirational,’ but some days I don’t want to be that inspirational guy. I want to stay home and feel sorry for myself.”

Ever After

Everyone, Martinez says, has obstacles—whether it’s debt, divorce, unemployment or illness—to overcome and choices to make. “You can’t always control the things that happen to you. But you can control how you react to it… how you let it affect you. Even if you lose everything else, nothing can take that power away from you. Every single day, every single minute, you have choices. Do you let the traffic make you mad? Do you let some rude person get to you? If someone tells you your idea is terrible, do you get discouraged?” Only you can discourage yourself, says Martinez. “When I look in the mirror, I see a confident, handsome man. We all have the power to control how people react to us. We have to own what we have and what we’ve been given, good or bad.”

Whether or not you believe in visions of the deceased; whether you think that the “power of positivity” is the jargon of local-news-show anchors; whether or not you give a flying flip about celebrity reality shows, the power of that choice is undeniable.

Martinez’s life is a visceral, physical reminder of that power. His very body, from his scars and crumpled ears to the way he spins, floats, glides—all those words that express effortless dance—across the stage, sings a song about the beauty of choice, the beauty of choosing hope.

The purpose of his time in Iraq, a mystery to him at age 19, turned out to be something that he could never have imagined.

via success.com

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Children and motivation: Learn ideas and techniques to motivate children

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Children and motivation: Learn ideas and techniques to motivate children to succeed at home, school and extra-curricular activities

While some children just seem driven by some inner force that moves them beyond expectation to accomplishment and achievement, others seem to lack that inner drive, and need to be moved upon by an outside force to accelerate themselves forward in the world. What is a parent to do when confronted with such a child? The task seems daunting at best and frustrating to say the least.

Children and motivation

First, and foremost, a parent should never give away their power to a child! Never throw up your hands and say, “I give up on you!” or any other demeaning words. This will only serve to push the child further down into laziness. “Why try? Mom already told me I am worthless and won’t amount to anything.” All your efforts should be based upon a positive sense of worth and a feeling that you are sure they can do whatever is expected. These things can range from getting good grades in school, being responsible with chores at home, or doing their best at a musical instrument or team sport.

It is important to note the distractions that exist in your child’s world, especially in his home environment, that take up precious time and promote lethargy. These things need to be monitored and structured in a consistent way to minimize their effect of draining precious time and energy from your child. These might include video games, the Internet, computer games, television, videos, and excessive telephone use. These activities do not promote an energetic lifestyle where one is accomplishing much during rare free time. While they are fine in moderation, great care should be taken so that they do not become the primary focus of a child’s activities.

So what can we do to promote self-motivation in our children? While these distractive activities can weigh a child down and keep them from achieving their best in whatever they pursue, they also can provide the incentive or bargaining chip a parent needs to get a child going. The key is to find out what is important to your child. Is it TV time? Or time hanging out with friends? Maybe it is an ice cream cone or a special “date” with Mom or Dad. Whatever it is, find out, and use it in a consistent and structured way to motivate your child.

For example, if you are concerned that your child is not completing his assigned chores each day, you could construct a star chart or point chart with a goal attached. If the goal is attained, the desired reward is given. Giving the child the opportunity to choose his own reward ahead of time is always a good idea. Discuss with him what your concerns are and tell him you want to help him be the best he can be. So, you have this wonderful idea to keep track of his best work. Let him decide what his target goal should be (with your guidance of course), and also let him choose what the reward should be. Remember, you are the parent and reserve the right to final approval on all decisions. But, be as flexible as possible in allowing your child to feel the accomplishment of setting his own goals and receiving the reward. This is a wonderful life lesson!

One of the more successful things I have personally done was to attach a monetary system/reward to each task I wanted accomplished in a day. Each child had a personal chart that I made on the computer so I could print a new one each week. The tasks ranged from chores, practicing an instrument, homework, to personal care and giving service. Each task was given a monetary value. The amount was small ranging from pennies to dimes per item each day. It added up fast in a week’s time! I gave tasks that were most important to me, a larger value than the ones I didn’t care as much about. One day a week was designated as “payday” and on that day, they brought their charts to me and together we reviewed their accomplishments for the week. The appropriate “pay” was given and then we also discussed how much would go into savings and how much they could keep to spend themselves. This meeting was a great opportunity for me to dole out abundant praise for the jobs well done and offer encouragement to keep trying in the weaker areas. I was so surprised to see how suddenly my children were highly self-motivated to mark things off their lists! This was true for the 4 year old all the way up to my youngest teenager. The kids who were older than about 14 years old, were not as enthusiastic about the program as they could earn more money babysitting or in a part time job. But, for the most part, this system alleviated the tension and stress surrounding motivating my children to doing many of the activities that I desired of them each day. The key to making this or any system like it work, is parental commitment and consistency. You have to be willing to set it up and take the time to oversee it each day and each week. But, it might well be worth the effort!

You can build your own system designed to meet your individual needs. A good system will:

1. Make the expectations clear and understandable.

2. Be reasonably easy to execute.

3. Be based on positive goals and rewards rather than negative re-enforcements. (Note: Negative re-enforcements are sometimes necessary and should be used when needed but only when positive things are not as effective as desired. Such as taking away privileges until goals are met.)

4. Put the accountability on the child and not the parent to achieve success.

5. Be fairly painless for the parent to enforce while putting the biggest responsibility on the child for his own choices, meaning that if the parent is making the biggest sacrifices while the child just coasts along with no real consequences, then things are not going well.

6. Take much of the emotion out of it. You should be able to say to the child without yelling or demeaning that he can receive the rewards when he meets his goal. If he does not do so, the consequence is a natural one… no reward, sometimes backed up by a lost privilege. No need for yelling. Shut down whining fast! It will wear you down if you let them get away with it!

7. Include the child in making as many decisions as are appropriate.

While I have mostly focused on motivating children to do the daily tasks that most parents want their children to do, these same ideas can be easily adapted to motivate a child to work hard at school, or do their best in a sport or whatever they are involved in. It is up to the parent to set the boundaries for what is expected in their home and of their children. While these expectations need to be realistic, they don’t always have to be easy. Hard work teaches so many wonderful values and characteristics!

Whatever you decide to do, remember the three C’s:

Clarity – make sure the boundaries and expectations are clear.

Commitment – be sure you are committed to the time and energy needed to succeed.

Consistency – your child should be able to know without fail the results of his choices.

Combined with lots of love and laughter, you are sure to find the success you are looking for!

via newsolio.com

 

Jack Canfield: ‘You are going to be successful in spite of a recession' - Money - DNA

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 We have a lot of control over our future, says Jack Canfield, American motivational speaker and author of the mass-selling Chicken Soup for the Soul series. Canfield is slated to address what will likely be sellout seminars in Mumbai and Bangalore on April 12 and 14, respectively. Known as much for his philosophy as his business acumen, Canfield has been courted by major Indian corporates over the years. In fact, some invite him to deliver motivational talks for their staff, in a bid to boost productivity, morale and relations. In thisinterview with Priyanka Golikeri, Canfield says it’s more important to implement what you read than mere reading of books:

Q: What do you know about the India publishing market with reference to Chicken Soup for the Soul?
A: India has been a country that has sold millions of the Chicken Soup books and now created its own series of Chicken Soup for the Indian Soul books. I had not foreseen that there would be a book such as the Chicken Soup for the Indian Soul. The country has given us a fantastic response.

Q: What kind of inspiration does India as a country provide for the book? Which other India-focused books are likely to come out soon?
A: I have visited India twice before and have travelled to Mumbai, Delhi and Chennai.There is an excitement and aliveness in India that I rarely feel in other places in the world.I love the diverse cultures, the smells, the food, the art, the music, the history, the architecture, the spiritual traditions, the busyness and industriousness in the cities and the peacefulness and beauty in the spiritual centres, ashrams and mosques.

What may appear chaotic and overwhelming to many visitors has always felt uplifting and exciting to me. I feel very much at home in India, and I always leave motivated, enriched and enlightened.
To answer the second part of your question, well, after 225 titles in the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, we’ve covered a lot of topics.What we are now focusing on are smaller niches within categories that we’ve already written about.

For example, the first book for women was Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul, but since then, we’ve done Chicken Soup for the Working Woman’s Soul, Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul, and so on.There are many niches to explore within that one category.
The same is true for sports. We’ve done Sports Fan’s Soul, Baseball Lover’s Soul, Golfer’s Soul, but that still leaves many sports to cover.We are now beginning to do a series of books around the world within specific countries. For example, we did Chicken Soup for the Indian Soul, the Indian Woman’s Soul, and the Indian Armed Forces’ Soul, and we’ll continue to keep doing that as long as there are stories to be told.

Q: Is the series looking at introducing more books for young adults, children below 12, working professionals, so on?
A: I haven’t quite decided what my next few books are going to be but yes some books that have been recently launched are the Chicken Soup for the Soul: Messages from Heaven, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Tough Times for Teens, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Food and Love and Chicken Soup for the Soul for Grandmothers.

Q: When it comes to motivation and inspiration, do Indians look more towards spiritual and religious gurus? Is religion necessary for motivation?
A: Religion is not a prerequisite for motivation. However, spirituality could be useful and a positive influencer. For me, spirituality comes from meditation. I think as you meditate over the years, you evolve — your practice gets deeper, and you reach new levels of inner peace and awareness.

Q: How encouraging are Indian corporates towards motivational talks? To what extent do such discourses help in enhancing productivity of employees and in their personal lives?
A: Indian corporates have had an encouraging point of view when it comes to motivational talks. In the past, I have visited India, sponsored by corporates such as Dr PrathapReddy’s Apollo Hospitals group, for talks and coaching.

First of all, just attending courses and being hopeful is not a good strategy, and reading self- help books will not transform your life.Only applying and putting into action what you read will.Many people spend the majority of their lives studying and thinking about success, meditating and visualising, but not taking the actions that are needed to create that success.

So learning from other people’s experiences and insights is an important part of the journey toward achieving your goals, but it is only the first part. It is the discipline and daily application of those principles, strategies and techniques applied consistently over time, combined with perseverance and never giving up, that ultimately produce breakthroughs and success in life.

I myself have read over 3,000 books, attended more than 300 seminars and listened to hundreds of hours of audio programmes so I know the value of learning valuable principles and techniques from others.But if I had to give myself credit for anything, it’s that I consistently put into action what I learned.
Another thing that is important to understand is that while there are universal and ageless principles like taking 100% responsibility for your life, setting specific measurable goals, et cetera, many of the specific techniques for success constantly change over time. For example, what used to work in marketing and sales ten years ago may not work the same way today.

 

via dnaindia.com